An Open Letter to Playboy Magazine..

by Jenny Hansen

Playboy CoverDear Playboy Magazine, For years your brown paper packaging, in the mail or behind the counter at the mini-marts, spoke of entertaining secrets. You starred in fantasies for men, both old and young, for more than 60 years. How could you not succeed when your inaugural issue featured the effervescent Marilyn Monroe and a now-famous story by Ray Bradbury? Alas, along came the internet to beat your time and steal your marketshare… With its plethora of free porn and never-ending nudity, the World Wide Web has decreased your circulation from more than 5 million to 800 thousand. You went from being the #1 stocking stuffer to fighting with Penthouse for shelf space. I get it, Playboy, I really do. Since you’ve announced that Playboy is a nudie mag no more after March, it’s time for a new gimmick. Now people really are reading it for its articles. Many have suggested alternating clothing types on your now-covered models, but you’ve already tried that. You’ve already tried a decade of lingerie issueshoodies (perhaps a nice “Sweater Issue” this winter?) and a shoe store. Obviously, none of these have saved your magazine. [p.s. Did you know your Biker Babes issue is selling on Amazon for $3.75 + shipping?] Over wine with my man, we brainstormed possible “issues of interest” that might speak to various sectors of the American public. Perhaps the tin foil series…

Playboy magazine

Very popular at certain alien watcher conventions. Photo credit – John Allspaw

Or the glad wrap series, the anime series or the environmental series (featuring outfits made from “found objects”). Nothing is more attractive than a beautiful model wearing only RedBull cans and an Oreos wrapper, right? Further brainstorming revealed a huge untapped source. We think you really need an Undie series. By the end of the evening, we determined you might even want to create undie/wine pairings. (You could totally penetrate the wine market with this, if you know what I mean.) However, people can be wildly entertained by underpants alone – just my readers at More Cowbell.

Photo source - Etsy

Photo source – Etsy

You could feature swashbuckling book reviews and all manner of knitted naughty bits. Heck, you could partner up with Etsy knitters (see my favorite Lithuanian grandma and the KnittyKitty). You get an endless array of designs and support small business at the same time. It’s a win-win. Photo credit: KnittyKitty - Etsy Note: Even though Mio Destino’s set of golf-related undergarments was an advertising spoof, I’m sure y’all can get hold of a demo model. [Dang it, I had plans to surprise my man on the back nine…] Mio Destino Thank you for your consideration. I really think the Undie Plan could bump that circulation up over a million in no time. Respectfully yours, Jenny Other Sources: 9 Things You Might Not Have Known About ‘Playboy’ 11 Pieces of Ludicrous Lingerie and Unbelievable Underwear 12 Things You Didn’t Know About Playboy Requiem for a Centerfold John Allspaw photo – CC License 2.0Flickr Matthew Hurst photo – CC License 2.0Flickr

What say you, SocialIn Readers? Do you think Playboy needs to move to themed issues? Throw out some ideas for the editors! Continue the discussion at the #SocialIn hashtag on Twitter or SocialInDC on Facebook!

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About Jenny Hansen

By day, Jenny provides training and social media marketing for an accounting firm. By night she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction and short stories. After 18 years as a corporate software trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.

When she’s not at her personal blog, More Cowbell, Jenny can be found on Twitter at JennyHansenCA or at Writers In The Storm.

© 2015 Jenny Hansen. All content on this page is protected by copyright. If you would like to use any part of this, please contact me.

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